The First Year Of Marriage

Time has been flying by since January 2014. It is now March 3rd, 2015 and a year ago today I married my best friend. Our relationship hasn't always been picture perfect and for seven years we had been doing the long distance thing. I am quite grateful for his mother who helped push it along, if it wasn't for her we may not be where we are today!

Now, back to the real topic at hand, marriage. Marriage is a commitment between two people. It is a bond that shouldn't be broken but in this day and age divorce is everywhere. Many marriages don't even last a year and frankly, it's really sad. I knew from the beginning that no matter how upset we got at each other or what we disagreed on, if anything, divorce was never going to cross my mind. To this day, it hasn't. Our marriage isn't perfect and going from long distance to spending every day together has been quite an experience! But, it's an experience I wouldn't want with any other man. Therefore, the rest of this post will be about what I have learned in the past year when it comes to marriage which will hopefully come in handy down the road to remind me and possibly others to never forget when living with someone for the rest of your life. So with that, let the list begin!

First on my list (not in any specific order) is communication. This is key for any relationship, whether it is friendship, dating, or marriage like in this case. Communication can build trust and it can also break it. Communication also leaves the door open for talks about anything! There are times where Daniel or I need to vent about our day and this helps us understand one another better. It helps me know what he dislikes and what needs to be changed. There are also times where we vent our frustrations about one another. Sometimes, I don't want to hear it and think that I am just fine the way I handle things, sadly that isn't the case always. Communication makes couples stronger.

Second would be adjustment. I never thought being married would be difficult and frustrating at times. My parents always made it seem easy. I have now come to realize that living with someone can be interesting at times! It's much different than living with family for one, you have lived with them for so long. There are some habits that he has I never knew and I'm sure I have habits he didn't know about. Adjusting to these can take some time and even after a year I still haven't adjusted to them all. Adjusting doesn't have to be just moving in together either. At some point, kids will become another adjustment (no kids yet!) and even pets can be an adjustment. If you have married someone in the military, that's an adjustment as well because lots of moving is involved. When it comes to adjusting, communicating can help and just remember that things will get easier!

Third on my list would be sacrifice. I know this word all too well and so does my family. After getting married I spent one more day with my family and then moved. I've had to sacrifice them being a part of my engagement because of Daniel being from a different state and being in the military. They haven't been able to get to him know that well either. I wish they could have played a bigger part in huge events in my life, but I can't help a southern boy stole my heart. Sorry, my wonderful family! Sacrifices can also come with arguments or views and life plans. I don't know what other sacrifices we will have to make later on in life, but I do know that he will always be by my side and so will our families. That makes sacrifices a little easier.

Fourth, never stop showing your spouse that you love them. This doesn't really seem like a hard one, but let me tell you it can be! If you just had an argument, being loving isn't really on your mind at that point. But, even just hearing them out and remaining calm when you want to yell can be a loving gesture. You don't have to go out and buy a material item to show them love. Love comes from your heart. You can show them love by, listening to them, doing what they want to do, and saying "I love you" which can never be overused. I know sometimes I struggle to be loving, but that is everyone at some point. I hope to get better in this aspect in the next year!

Fifth, a big wedding doesn't make a marriage. How many have seen magazines as they are checking out about the next big celeb wedding or their next divorce? I know I have! Every girl dreams of a big wedding, don't get me wrong, they are beautiful! If circumstances were different, I still wouldn't of had a big wedding, but that's just me. I like to be stress free! We had a small ceremony by my pastor in my parent's house. It was beautiful, small, and unique. It wasn't traditional and I do wish more of our family could have been there, but again, two different states is hard because someone will always be left out. But back to the topic at hand, a big wedding (even a small one) doesn't make it last. The two need to realize the commitment and love they must give for it to work. Everything on my list will apply and other things that I draw a blank to. If you can't have a big wedding like you want, don't stress! Saving money is more important, that was the case for us. Everyone is different and everyone has different circumstances but it all comes down to realizing how important marriage is and what it means to you. We shouldn't take it lightly.

Sixth, and the last for now :p, is God. God has many thoughts on marriage in the Bible and sometimes we need reminders. My parents have been married for 25 years and God has been the center for a majority of it. I see how God works in their lives and I want that. They have been a good example. God is in charge of everything and he knows what is best. I hope that Daniel and I will continue to grow our relationship with him and become a strong couple with God at the very center.

There is my list and I hope to grow in all of these areas in the next year and hopefully I'll grow in other areas that weren't mentioned. Marriage is not always easy, but it's worth everything if you are with the right person. We have our arguments and I know that won't change, but how we deal with them will. I don't want a perfect marriage because then I can't continue to grow and learn. I want to keep growing and learning and being the best wife I am able to be for Daniel. I am happy to spend and love him everyday. I can't wait for many more years and to see where God takes us! Here is too many more years in the future to show how much I love you, Happy Anniversary Boo Boo! You'll always be the one I want to be with. xoxo

Never Letting That Number Own Your Life

In the last post I talked about body positivity and how important it can be. I touched briefly on my reason for loving the body positivity movement, but let's admit it, it was real brief! I have been doing a lot of thinking about whether to write another post about my struggles and like my friend Katelyn mentioned, it could end up helping someone. Who knows! But, I'm willing to give it a go. So, without further ado here is my struggle with those numbers on a scale.

Boys and weight are always on a girl's mind during those teenage years. I was insecure about my body and a few comments made by people made it worse. College was better, but that's also because everyone is worried about being an adult and many have grown out of making fun of others. Though, these changes didn't quite help my insecurities or how I pictured my body. It's not like I was trying to lose weight either. I didn't have a reason to or a want. Working out? I didn't have time for that. Classes, work, and sleep was all I needed until there was a boy.

Doesn't everything happen because of a boy? In this case it did. A boy that had been dear to my heart for a very long time was going to be graduating from bootcamp in a couple of months and his mother was flying me down. In my mind, I had to look good on the outside. I couldn't be overly fat, though many would say 190 pounds isn't fat at all. To me, I was a whale. I'm not really sure what I did to get down to 175 pounds before my trip. I know I did some working out, but food wise, your guess is as good as mine. Did losing 15 pounds help my body image? Nope, it was still the same and even worse since this was the first time I'd be meeting him. There was a lot nervousness and anxiety. But, everything worked out and now we're married, hehe.

To him, my body is perfect and we love to be complimented but it doesn't change how you feel about yourself. Since his graduation day in June 2013, I lost another 10  pounds before visiting him again and getting engaged. Another 10 pounds didn't change my thinking. It helped, but scales and sizes of clothes can make a good day into a bad one. It always did for me. After that visit in September 2013, I went back home and began to diet again but this time it was more drastic.

The calories I was taking in were below the minimum anyone should consume. I was eating less than 1,000 calories a day. I wanted to look good for my wedding that was in March. What girl doesn't want to look good in a dress in front of people? At this point, I wasn't working out anymore. I was only focused on calories and eating as little as possible. Did I know this was bad for my body? Not exactly, and at that point I didn't care. Of course, I lost weight and before I got married I was down to 142 pounds. It didn't stay off for long because I deprived myself for so long everything I didn't eat before I began to eat, and it wasn't in moderation. I stuffed my face!

After the wedding, I moved away from my family and my weight went back up to 170 pounds from really poor eating and not working out at all. I knew I needed to do something again and I tried to eat a really low calorie diet but I couldn't stick to it. I would binge eat, especially when my husband wasn't home and then decided to vomit after. So, for a few months I became bulimic. The numbers on the scale were never the numbers I wanted to see. Nothing was working and it was frustrating! Everything I was doing to my body was terrible, I know that. I was desperate and desperate times call for drastic measures. Or so, that's what my mind was telling me.

It finally dawned on me that the only way I was going to make a difference was to start eating better and not deprive myself. I began to try and focus on macros (IIFYM or If It Fits Your Macros) and adding more fruits and vegetables. I even talked to a nutritionist to get some advice. Currently I am at 151 pounds and healthier than I was at 142 pounds and I have muscle! I'm trying to not focus on that number though. I went from weighing myself everyday to weighing maybe twice a month. I don't want that number to bring me back to a dark place where I want to throw up or eat less. I now know about BMR and what is healthy. I don't want to go back to my old ways. The mind is such a tricky thing. Those voices telling you that you're fat and you aren't good enough can really get you down. Even now after dealing with all that and eating better, I still have those voices but I don't let them tell me how to feel anymore. You have control over your mind. You can look in the mirror and tell yourself you are amazing. beautiful, and great just the way you are! When you start telling yourself that, sooner or later you will begin to believe it. It may not seem easy but what's the other option? Being miserable? No, thanks! 

Eating healthier and working out are a step in the right direction to a healthy life, but we can't forget our mind. It'll help motivate you, determine how you feel about yourself, and keep pushing when your legs say no. I've struggled in the past and may struggle in the future, but only I can determine how I will handle it. Sometimes, you have to tell those little voices to shut up and keep going! 

Body Positivity

Well, it has been quite some time since I sat down and wrote a post. I hadn't thought of any good topics to talk about and quite frankly politics, which are always on my mind, just don't get me started! Haha.

Anyways, the topic at hand today is body positivity. It has become a movement in the last couple of months with more women being confident in their skin, whether they are on the larger or smaller side. Shows like, My Big Fat Fabulous Life really help reach out to the ones who are unsure about what they see in the mirror. Whitney Thore is so confident in her skin while being close to 400lbs. I've never been confident ever! It's impressive to me and yet, it makes me question myself and why I haven't had any confidence.

My weight didn't effect my thinking until I decided to go to public school after being home-schooled from 7th-10th grade. I can only think of a few instances where someone had mentioned my weight in those times and yeah, it hurt but I was still growing up and it really didn't bother me. But, once you're in an environment with other teenagers and around boys, who doesn't feel insecure? I know I'm not the only one! You just throw a smile on your face and try to walk it off.

 Now a days, it seems that more people have issues with their bodies or rude comments being made towards their appearance. Even when someone is confident in their own body someone still feels the need to try and break them down. But, at some point you have to realize there will always be a Negative Nancy out there who wants to bring people down. Their opinions shouldn't matter, why? Because who cares what others think of your body, it's yours! Feel how you want to feel! Everyone has the right to feel beautiful.

Everyone has their own opinion of what the perfect body looks like. Social media does, you do, and I do but the only opinion that should matter is yours. And remember, there is no such thing as perfect.

Our society has become so intertwined with the sizes on clothing or the number on the scale. Why are we letting those insignificant numbers define us? Is that going to give us the self worth we desire? Not at all! Those numbers will keep decreasing and some will never be happy. If you keep seeing yourself as fat and keep telling yourself that everyday then what are you going to believe? That little voice in your head will always win over the voices from people around you, believe me. I've been there and one day you have to say enough is enough.

Body Positivity starts with yourself. If you want to lose weight I'm not saying don't. I still have plans to drop a few pounds but I'm not going to let the scale control my life or when I go out to dinner with friends or my husband. Another thing to remember is, confidence shines and can be contagious. Don't let anyone bring you down!

I'll end there since I feel like I'm rambling, teehee. Just remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone deserves to feel beautiful (or handsome :p).

-JNB

Days Like These,

     I love days where him and I can get out for a nice stroll. The weather wasn't too bad today, not much humidity and a slight breeze! I love being able to spend time with him and it's definitely a time filled with great communication. It was also nice to start off the day with church. We are so thankful to my dad for doing research and finding us a great church. The people have been very kind and we are looking forward to a Sunday where we can stay for potluck. We will be able to meet other young couples and really get to know the people in the church.
    God has been very good. He has led us to a wonderful church and to people who aren't worrying about partying. I am excited to see what else He has in store for us this year. Although, time has flown by since we said "I do" in March and I can't wait for our first anniversary! I am very thankful and blessed.

Our House,

One thing we have been blessed with since moving out on our own would be the house we have. We have a four bedroom/three bath house that is on base. It is definitely more room than two people need, but it will be nice for when we do have company. We are located thirty minutes from the beach and have went once while his mom was in town. I am hoping there are plenty more visits to come before fall hits. Thankfully, I have plenty of time! I thought I'd share some photos of the house as well: