When You Know It's Time To Let Go

There comes a point in our life where we have an ah-ha! moment. It can be about friendships, work, school, and everything else under the sun. Sometimes these ah-ha! moments make you realize that it is time to let go.

When it comes to letting go we could take a lot of notes from Elsa, I mean she is the queen of letting go. She has her own song about it! Letting go can be a very hard thing, it can be even harder for people who have invested so much time into whatever. I know that for me, it's really hard especially when it comes to investing time into friendships. I already have a small circle and frankly, I don't want it to get any smaller. College, I dropped out and have never looked back. It was never for me. It took me a couple years to realize that, but I had no problem letting go. Work, I quit to marry my husband and don't regret it one bit. I am happy to be spending everyday with him and not trying to find another job to where I won't see him and have our schedules be terrible. Now the past when it comes to certain things, that can be a troublesome area to let go.

Last night, I had an ah-ha! moment. It all started with me thinking about what I regret while going to college in Texas. Of course, there is no way to change what you could and there's no point in dwelling upon it. And so I realized that I have a wonderful life now and that's what I need to be focused on.

Life brings us different routes that we can take. I chose to get married and be with someone I have known for eight years. Throughout knowing him, he has always been on my mind and somehow our paths have always crossed. He is my now and my future. Why focus on the past that will do nothing? And so, I must choose to let go. Let go of the negativity that I faced, decisions, worrying about things that don't matter, and everything else. It all needs to go! And sometimes, starting fresh is a very good thing.

When you know it is time to let go, don't fight it. We may not like what will happen when we do, but our heart always knows best. Deep down inside, we know what we need and we should always listen. Life never gets easier and neither does making choices, but at the end of the day worrying about something that is so insignificant isn't worth it. Keep moving forward and never look back. 

Friends: Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

The topic for today is friends. They can be a blessing and sometimes they can be a pain. New friends, old friends, and friends that are in between, we all have them so why not talk about them? In a good way, of course. Or is it? I guess you will have to keep reading to find out!

My oldest sister once told me, "Friends come and go. You have friends in high school who won't always be your friend. You'll make friends in college and then move on and never talk to them. You'll eventually get new friends at a job later down the road who may not always stay there. Friends always change during different phases." Through out the last couple of years since being told that it has remained true. Do I still talk to people I went to college with? No, and if I do it's once a year or something. Do I still talk to people I used to work with? Nope, unless we are seeing how life is going. I have a few new friends since I moved to the east coast and time will only tell if we remain in contact when one moves. Who knows what the future holds!

Now don't get me wrong, I would love to stay in contact with more people but like my sister said, things change. It doesn't make me any less of a friend because I realize one day I may not be friends with someone because I will always be the best friend I can be with whomever is in my life.

Also, this isn't a reason to not have friends either. Don't make the excuse, "Well, since we probably won't remain friends so no point in having any." or, "Well, I'm in a new place and starting over sucks. No, thanks.". Life is dull when you have no one to share it with. Of course, family and spouses will be around for events but friends can be just as important! And sometimes, it's easier to rant to someone of the same gender than your husband. I know that for sure!

Another subject that goes along with friendship is balance. Balance and friendship? I'm sure you're wondering how these two words can be in the same sentence. Well, I'm here to explain!

Balance in a friendship is important. It is the thing that keeps a friendship from being one-sided. We can all agree that somewhere down the path of life we have come in contact with someone or quite a few someones that make everything about them. It is what they want, when they want it, and you can easily be replaced when your schedule doesn't fit into theirs. These are the people I can't stand! Obviously, for a very good reason. I mean, who wants to be beckoned when it works best for the other person? I am all about listening and understanding problems that people will face, but when they can't give you the same then there is no point in a friendship. A friendship is a form of relationship which requires two people. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with my husband where it's all about him. I'd lose it! This same concept goes for friends.

I am glad that even though friendships don't always work I can always count on my friend, Katelyn. I know that no matter where life takes us, we will always stay in contact and visit in person when we can. She is there for me to vent to and I am there for her. We have balance and it's great! If only more friendships could be that way.

To keep this post short, since mine always seem to be long, I'll end with this: Don't ever take a great friendship for granted and hold onto it for as long as possible. Friends may come and go but I want the good ones, the ones I really care about, to keep growing and flourishing like the beautiful flower that they are.

Never Letting That Number Own Your Life

In the last post I talked about body positivity and how important it can be. I touched briefly on my reason for loving the body positivity movement, but let's admit it, it was real brief! I have been doing a lot of thinking about whether to write another post about my struggles and like my friend Katelyn mentioned, it could end up helping someone. Who knows! But, I'm willing to give it a go. So, without further ado here is my struggle with those numbers on a scale.

Boys and weight are always on a girl's mind during those teenage years. I was insecure about my body and a few comments made by people made it worse. College was better, but that's also because everyone is worried about being an adult and many have grown out of making fun of others. Though, these changes didn't quite help my insecurities or how I pictured my body. It's not like I was trying to lose weight either. I didn't have a reason to or a want. Working out? I didn't have time for that. Classes, work, and sleep was all I needed until there was a boy.

Doesn't everything happen because of a boy? In this case it did. A boy that had been dear to my heart for a very long time was going to be graduating from bootcamp in a couple of months and his mother was flying me down. In my mind, I had to look good on the outside. I couldn't be overly fat, though many would say 190 pounds isn't fat at all. To me, I was a whale. I'm not really sure what I did to get down to 175 pounds before my trip. I know I did some working out, but food wise, your guess is as good as mine. Did losing 15 pounds help my body image? Nope, it was still the same and even worse since this was the first time I'd be meeting him. There was a lot nervousness and anxiety. But, everything worked out and now we're married, hehe.

To him, my body is perfect and we love to be complimented but it doesn't change how you feel about yourself. Since his graduation day in June 2013, I lost another 10  pounds before visiting him again and getting engaged. Another 10 pounds didn't change my thinking. It helped, but scales and sizes of clothes can make a good day into a bad one. It always did for me. After that visit in September 2013, I went back home and began to diet again but this time it was more drastic.

The calories I was taking in were below the minimum anyone should consume. I was eating less than 1,000 calories a day. I wanted to look good for my wedding that was in March. What girl doesn't want to look good in a dress in front of people? At this point, I wasn't working out anymore. I was only focused on calories and eating as little as possible. Did I know this was bad for my body? Not exactly, and at that point I didn't care. Of course, I lost weight and before I got married I was down to 142 pounds. It didn't stay off for long because I deprived myself for so long everything I didn't eat before I began to eat, and it wasn't in moderation. I stuffed my face!

After the wedding, I moved away from my family and my weight went back up to 170 pounds from really poor eating and not working out at all. I knew I needed to do something again and I tried to eat a really low calorie diet but I couldn't stick to it. I would binge eat, especially when my husband wasn't home and then decided to vomit after. So, for a few months I became bulimic. The numbers on the scale were never the numbers I wanted to see. Nothing was working and it was frustrating! Everything I was doing to my body was terrible, I know that. I was desperate and desperate times call for drastic measures. Or so, that's what my mind was telling me.

It finally dawned on me that the only way I was going to make a difference was to start eating better and not deprive myself. I began to try and focus on macros (IIFYM or If It Fits Your Macros) and adding more fruits and vegetables. I even talked to a nutritionist to get some advice. Currently I am at 151 pounds and healthier than I was at 142 pounds and I have muscle! I'm trying to not focus on that number though. I went from weighing myself everyday to weighing maybe twice a month. I don't want that number to bring me back to a dark place where I want to throw up or eat less. I now know about BMR and what is healthy. I don't want to go back to my old ways. The mind is such a tricky thing. Those voices telling you that you're fat and you aren't good enough can really get you down. Even now after dealing with all that and eating better, I still have those voices but I don't let them tell me how to feel anymore. You have control over your mind. You can look in the mirror and tell yourself you are amazing. beautiful, and great just the way you are! When you start telling yourself that, sooner or later you will begin to believe it. It may not seem easy but what's the other option? Being miserable? No, thanks! 

Eating healthier and working out are a step in the right direction to a healthy life, but we can't forget our mind. It'll help motivate you, determine how you feel about yourself, and keep pushing when your legs say no. I've struggled in the past and may struggle in the future, but only I can determine how I will handle it. Sometimes, you have to tell those little voices to shut up and keep going! 

Healthy Eating,

     Since getting married and moving away I have gained back about 15-20lbs. It definitely has taken a toll and I just feel gross. I'm happy to say that today is day one of getting back into the swing of things. I want to drop 30lbs and eating the way I have been just isn't going to cut it. It is time to make healthier choices and to stick with it and make it a lifelong lifestyle. I have my workouts ready and running starts next monday! I'm actually excited for all this because it's another start and I know I will feel good in the long run.

A Hurricane,

     Life on the east coast must come with a few storms here and there.It rains a few times a week but today I will be faced with my first hurricane! I'm not even sure what to expect and we didn't really prepare like the doomsday preppers who have bought all of the water at the commissary and Walmart. I'm not that worried. The rain and wind will start at about 3pm and will go through the night until about 10am. I'm glad that it is during the night! If my power goes out then it is no big deal, haha.
    His family is still on their way and will be here tomorrow morning. Hopefully, they will not rush because of the storm, (take your time!). We are looking forward to seeing them and getting some delicious Kentucky BBQ! But, just happy we will see them and have company for the weekend. Staying safe and staying in for the next day!

Days Like These,

     I love days where him and I can get out for a nice stroll. The weather wasn't too bad today, not much humidity and a slight breeze! I love being able to spend time with him and it's definitely a time filled with great communication. It was also nice to start off the day with church. We are so thankful to my dad for doing research and finding us a great church. The people have been very kind and we are looking forward to a Sunday where we can stay for potluck. We will be able to meet other young couples and really get to know the people in the church.
    God has been very good. He has led us to a wonderful church and to people who aren't worrying about partying. I am excited to see what else He has in store for us this year. Although, time has flown by since we said "I do" in March and I can't wait for our first anniversary! I am very thankful and blessed.

The Reality of Society,

Everyone deals with criticism. No one has ever been excused from it and no one ever will be. People use criticism to build one another up, but mostly to tear someone down. Criticism comes at times when we least expect or want it and from people we have thought higher of. Recently, I was criticized for my choices in life. I was criticized for not having a job or going to college and by not doing one or the other I am a "dependa", especially since my husband is in the military.
     The term "dependa" gets a lot of bad criticism because you are known to be fat, lazy, and you just do nothing. Let's get one thing clear, these people criticizing me do not know me. They do not know my life or my ambitions. They only see that I do not have a job or a degree. In today's society someone is practically nothing without one or the other. Their self worth is demolished and they pity themselves. It doesn't help that society has created such a norm and that once in the cycle it is hard to break free from. Women are busy trying to climb ladders and jump through hoops to become better than a man. They have stepped out of their  normal role as housewife or mother for many hours of the day. Now, I am not knocking those who work because some need to since one income is not enough.
     You and even my critics know that I do not have children at this point in life but I do have a job. My job is as a housewife. My job is taking care of our pets so they do not have to be locked up all day. My job is running the house, cleaning and cooking. My job is as a writer. I have all of these jobs but not one is considered such. There are also a few things I would like to do in life but under circumstances make them quite difficult. I want to have a rescue for dogs and I want to foster children and in the future I will.
    My days may not be as full as others, but that's fine because this is what I have chosen. Criticism can be brushed off or taken and I choose to brush it off. My husband and I are fine with my choices and that is all that matters. We are a team and if depending on him makes me a "dependa" then I guess it makes everyone who is married one. We are all supposed to lean on our spouses and there is nothing wrong with that.

The Natural Way,

I recently downloaded an app called "Think Dirty" which explains what beauty products are made of. The results are surprising! With skin being the biggest organ I felt the need to actually do something when many could have long term effects which include cancer. I am very fortunate for Pinterest because you can find many natural diy beauty products. Hopefully some do work and if that is the case I will be posting them on here for others to check out. Fingers crossed!

Our House,

One thing we have been blessed with since moving out on our own would be the house we have. We have a four bedroom/three bath house that is on base. It is definitely more room than two people need, but it will be nice for when we do have company. We are located thirty minutes from the beach and have went once while his mom was in town. I am hoping there are plenty more visits to come before fall hits. Thankfully, I have plenty of time! I thought I'd share some photos of the house as well:

And so it begins,

Many have asked what our house and the area we live in looks like or how it is to be married and on our own. It's not always easy to remember to catch up with someone or, in this case, everyone back home but I am hoping that having a blog will get many connected into our life. In this day and age it shouldn't be hard to snap a few photos here and there because almost everyone has a smart phone and yet I always seem to forget. Hopefully, I'll be able to capture more and document our new life on the east coast. Now to do as my title says and begin...